I hate flying. I truly do. I'm not sure whether to draw the conclusion that I fear untimely and roasting death in a one in a billion scenario, or if I just dislike being so closely crammed in with a flock of sweaty other people, unable to get my own breathing space.

Some lessons that I have learned over the years:

• Canadian airports are much nicer than American airports, however, European airports are like large and fabulous shopping malls, complete with casinos.
• If you accidentally find yourself in possession of a box cutter, it's a wise decision to dump the jacket containing it in an inconspicuous manner.
• There is nothing revolting about airplane food - the only problem is that the meals are just too small.
• People only clap when their plane lands if it's an international flight.
• I am not brave enough to ever consider joining the mile-high club. Maybe someday, but I fear the possible lawsuit.
• It is possible to get cut off on the inflight bar.

In closing, I offer you this: purchase some fine spirits, rent a limosine and stash a fine collection of quality novels and dirty magazines. It's a jungle out there - just be sure to land safely, without a hangover and with some new friends!

2005 | 2004 | 2004

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Last modified: April 05 2008 11:22:18.